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3 year old WILL NOT do wee on toilet

Submitted by Wills22993 on Fri, 27/06/2008 - 09:45.

 

Question:

Hi Catriona,

I wrote to you last on the 20th of March regarding my daughter and her not doing wee on the toilet (we have not even tried poo yet).  She is now 3 years 3 months old and REFUSES to do wee on the toilet.  She demands "nappy on" to go to do a wee.  Your suggestion of putting nappy on but then had to be done in/on the toilet worked well.  However after 3 months we thought we could try again to get her to do wee on the toilet but she WILL NOT unless her nappy is on.  She can go all night without wetting and gets up in the morning and still refuses to go and do wee on the toilet which is more than 12 hours without a wee.  This sounds dreadful but we end up holding her on the toilet and pressing on her bladder to make her go!!!!  Mostly we just relent after an hour or two and put her nappy on and she wees straight away...  I just do not know what else to do.  I am sick of waiting and find all my other friends at this age are well and truly trained both wees and poos and I am still struggling just with the wee bit...  We have tried mums toilet, dads toilet and a potty, rewards, chocolate, stamps, glitter in the toilet, the works but to no avail...  I am worried she is going to get an infection if she hangs on so long all the time.  Can you suggest ANYTHING... Jill...

Catriona's Response:

Hi there again

Yes, I am sure you are getting fed up with it. Just briefly, were you the mum who also has twins?

Some Suggestions:

> Stop worrying about a bladder infection, she will go when she needs to. Just keep offering her drinks of water.

> It sounds like it is time to STOP offering the nappy! She WILL go eventually!

> EXPLAIN to her a few days in advance, eg, that mummy and daddy have decided that it is time you started using the toilet from now on. There will be NO MORE NAPPIES in 3 more sleeps. It is time you started using the toilet/potty. Be VERY CLEAR, there is NO COMPROMISE ONCE YOU GET STARTED. Do not worry if she wets her knickers she will soon get sick of that. REMAIN CALM, EXPECT TANTRUMS+++, but NO NAPPY GOES ON.

> Stop engaging too much about going to the toilet. You have tried all the tricks, bribes etc, so don't even go there they haven't worked! Remain calm, tell her to use the toilet. Do not hold her, get cross with her, just simply say, you can use the toilet now.

> Stop all the attention around using the toilet or not using the toilet!

> Give attention for FUN things.

> If/when she does actually use the toilet DO NOT make a fuss. Be very matter of fact, well done, that's good......now where was that doll you where playing with? You can get excited with your husband, behind her back, be cool.

> In the planning stage, tell her a story every night before she goes to sleep, about .... Once upon a time a little girl..... who was nervous about using the toilet, but then decided to be very brave and confident and wanted to prove she could use it all by herself.......make it up, repeat it every night until she does it.

> As long as your daughter understands your requests, it sounds like it is time to go 'cold turkey' on the 'nappy on' request. Just stop it after a few preparation days, she will get it. 

Please let me know how you go?



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