Surviving The First Six Weeks

So what happens next?

The first, tumultuous six weeks of life with baby. - By Australian Accredited Maternal Health Nurse, Catriona Cross.

Until now, you've been your own person - occasional bout of morning sickness aside. You've lived life on your own terms. Made your own choices. Created a life with your partner. Perhaps even built a career.

Well that's all about to change. Life for the first six weeks or so after your baby comes home can be the most eye-opening and chaotic period in a person's life. Routines, expectations and sleep patterns aren't just turned upside down - they're shaken, stirred and positively thrown into disarray.

At times it can seem like you'll never regain control of your life. Don't despair; that's sleep deprivation for you! It just takes a little time. And if it makes you feel any better: It happens to every parent.

If there's one generally useful piece of advice every first-time parent should heed, it's 'Prepare to be unprepared'.

You can do many things to make this unpredictable time easier to deal with, but the key is to be flexible enough to throw the rule book - and the clock - out the window.

If anything, prepare friends and family for the tumultuous time ahead. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be too hard on yourself if things seem to be going wrong. And don't stress if you can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Things generally get a lot easier into baby's second or third month.
First up, some practical tips.

Before baby is born, it's a clever idea to prepare a batch of frozen meals, ready to go when things get a little too much or you're feeling too tired to cook. The exhaustion that comes from a few nights' interrupted sleep has to be experienced to be believed! Stocking up on snack foods like cheese, crackers and muesli bars is also a good idea - in case of emergency!

If you can, organise for someone - your partner, mum or perhaps a professional cleaner - to help out with the household chores for a week or three. And if you find yourself needing to make a choice between cleaning the house and getting some extra sleep, sleep should always be a priority. Rest whenever your baby rests, be it morning, noon or night.

It may also be helpful to have a family member or close friend stay for a few days, to ease the load. But before you do, be sure this person will be supportive, not critical, and isn't likely to overwhelm you with advice.

It's advisable for your partner to take some time off work, and if at all possible, allow yourself the flexibility to return to your own work only when you're feeling ready, rather than at some predetermined date.

Another thing that can suffer is exercise. You may not feel much like leaving the house, but a short walk each day can make a genuine difference to how you feel. Fresh air and light exercise can stimulate your body's endorphins, and make you feel better. And always make sure you eat regularly and drink plenty of water.
Too much advice is never enough.

You may have already experienced an overload of advice from well-meaning people, but things tend to move up a gear after baby's arrival. The difficulty is that much of this advice is contradictory, so always be guided by those you trust most, and above all, by your own instincts. Remember, baby hasn't read any of the books!

There is rarely only one right way to do things. That said, DO always follow anti-SIDS guidelines about putting your baby to bed. And when it all gets too much, leave the phone off the hook and turn on the answering machine.

If you're feeling overwhelmed - or even if you're not - it's amazing how therapeutic talking to someone else can be. A close friend, family member or professional can be a great source of support. Working through your birth experience is often helpful, and asking questions of someone who's been there before can help you deal with problems and concerns before they get out of hand.
Cry baby cry.

Crying is how babies tell you they're hungry, tired, wet, have a pain, have wind, want a cuddle, are too hot or cold, or aren't comfortable. The big question is, what do the different cries mean?

In the early days, it can be difficult to work out what baby wants, but this will gradually become easier. In fact, it may take around four months before you're fully able to appreciate the difference. However, it's important to not get too stressed when baby cries - they have a remarkable ability to pick up on how you're feeling and it can unsettle them further. Try to remember that crying is perfectly normal in healthy babies, as it's their only way of communicating.
Breastfeeding.

Many midwives and health professionals are extremely enthusiastic in their encouragement of new mothers to breast-feed. The health benefits have been proven in numerous studies. However, if breastfeeding is proving difficult, this sometimes puts extra pressure on a new mother. Be aware that breast feeding can always be re-established within the first 3 months after delivery as your body is still producing the necessary hormones to produce breast milk.

Many factors influence the success of breastfeeding so it's important to seek professional support from a maternal health nurse or lactation consultant if the milk won't come, if baby doesn't seem to be getting enough, or if you're suffering sore nipples. Their expertise can work wonders.

Babies tend to feed a lot at night, particularly in the first two to three weeks. It's believed that one reason for this is that at night, mothers release large amounts of prolactin. This is an important factor in healthy milk production. Not wonderful for tired parents, but wonderful for baby's health.
Hey, remember me.

When your primary focus shifts to your baby, there's a chance your partner may start to feel a little neglected. Maintaining good communication is important for both of you, particularly on the topic of sex. Some women feel up to it during this early time, while others don't, so it's important to communicate your feelings on the issue. Discomfort during intercourse is another factor. On the other hand, some men may feel uncomfortable and fearful about having sex with their partner during this early stage, particularly if the delivery was traumatic. Talking about the birth experience is the key.

Of course, sleep deprivation and sheer exhaustion can be the major factor in whether sex is on the agenda or not!
The emotional roller coaster.

There's joy and wonder to be had during this time, but conversely, the first six weeks can also be a time of overwhelming emotions - many of them negative. Exhaustion and uncertainty can take their toll and blow even simple things out of proportion. At times, you may wonder whether you'll ever get through it. Or you may feel everyone knows your baby better than you.

Given the dramatic change in your life and the new pressures you'll be experiencing, it's not uncommon for some mothers to take some time to fall in love with their babies. If you have sad or negative feelings for longer than two weeks at a time, or don't feel that you're enjoying your baby at all, there's a chance you may be developing post-natal depression. It's time then, to seek professional advice. Excellent support and treatments are available these days. Often, simply asking your doctor or child health nurse for help can have a dramatic positive outcome.
Top survival tips.

• Always remember YOU are the best parent for the job. There's no such thing as a perfect parent or perfect child, and you know your baby better than anyone else.
• Be kind to yourself. Conversely, don't be too hard on yourself if things don't go according to plan. Nobody expects you to have all the answers in this early period.
• Put you and your baby's welfare first. If necessary, be a little bit selfish and say no to others' requests if you don't have the time or energy.
• Give yourself four months to feel confident about understanding baby's different cries.
• Spend time skin-to-skin with baby. This helps with growth and development and also helps improve breast milk supply.
• Involve your baby's father as much as possible in this period. You are all learning and growing together.
• Trial and error is the way you're going to learn most about what's right for your baby during this time. If something doesn't work out, don't see it as doing 'The Wrong Thing' or 'Making Mistakes'.
• Babies need love, cuddles, milk and to be kept safe.
• Spend as much time as you can holding and watching your baby during this stage of their life. Enjoy this time; they grow up so quickly.