Toilet Training

Catriona's Response:

Hi there

Yes, this can be very frustrating! Has anything changed at home etc in the last few months to change his behaviour?

Have you or would you consider making the cubby or shed 'out of bounds for play' until he does his poos in the loo again? 

Is he getting LOADS of attention ALL day for not going to the toilet to do his 'poo' or 'wee' in it??

Some Suggestions:

Firstly, remember that Toilet Training, like everything else is a Process of Learning. It will take some time for him to start getting it right consistently. It might be time to reduce the amount of attention he is getting for doing a 'poo'! If he tells you he wants to use the toilet, then, praise him, even if he has done it in his pants!! eg, 'Thanks for letting mummy know, now lets go and get you changed'. Be as 'matter-of-fact' about it, no going over the top, or getting annoyed, remain calm, no fussing!!

Explain to him that when he does a wee or a poo, you are now going to go to the toilet, have a little sit on the toilet or potty and then, wipe his bottom, put on either clean jocks, or training Pants, flush the toilet and wash his hands. He needs to understand all the steps.

Remain calm, do not get annoyed, laugh, make a joke or pass any comment about the poo or wee in his pants or on the floor! Just simply say 'Ok, lets go to the bathroom, ask him to take off his pants/nappy, show him how to throw the poo down the loo (do not make any joke or embarrassing remarks to him), explain that 'mummy would like you to use the toilet for poos and wees in future, flush the toilet, wash hands and leave bathroom'. When picking up the poo from the cubby or shed, ask him to come with you, carry the dirty jocks with poo to the loo (make sure he is with you), sit him on the toilet, flush the poo and wash hands. REPEAT. Remain calm, be matter of fact, NO extra attention for toilet mishaps!

Do not continue to talk about the fact he refuses to use the loo, just move on with your day.

Give more attention to playing games with him, get down on the floor and play! Once he feels he is getting more of your attention with play etc, hopefully this refusal to use the loo will settle down.

If he does use the loo for a poo/wee, don't go over the top with praise, just a simple well done, is enough! To go over the top with praise puts a lot of pressure on him!

He is still young and he will get it, just give him time.

Give extra attention, positive praise for the little things he IS doing well eg. dressing himself, brushing his teeth, playing nicely, helping mummy, spend time with him reading a book/drawing, watching a children's TV show together etc.

Discuss with him an outing or a treat if he uses the toilet 4-5 days in a row to start with. Try setting up a Star Chart?

Explain to him what you would like to see him doing, remain calm, do not threaten, or make a joke of it.

As time goes on and if you start feeling frustrated with him, try highlighting to him that you, 'love him very much but that you would prefer he was pooing, weeing in the potty or toilet and not in his pants anymore' or 'mummy knows you are a good boy and that you can use the toilet, when you use the toilet mummy is so happ'!!  Remember it is not the child you do not like, it is the behaviour!

Distraction is very effective at this age.  Bladders usually empty ever 2 hours! 

Consider concentrating on the mornings to begin with eg, 0600-12md, focus on prompting and explaining etc.

Also, try telling him a good boy story before bed each night about a little boy who.....wanted to go to the toilet by himself and had a few accidents and then one day he remembered to go and his mummy was so HAPPY.....etc, make it up and then repeat it before bed each night until, one day he gets it!!!

Lots of attention for all other good behaviour. Lots of extra cuddles when he doesn't expect it! Once you get started be consistent and remain calm! He will get it!

Please see Tips & Advice on Toilet Training.

All the best. Please let me know how you get on?